I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
