I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
