i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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