All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
