took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
