I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
