I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
