Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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