I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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