I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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