That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
