Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
