that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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