the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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