are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
