Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
