peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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