Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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