i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
