if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
