Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
