PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
