A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
