first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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