ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
