I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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