she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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