I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
