He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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