I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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