dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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