lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
