Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
