im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
