just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
