I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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