He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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