he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
