My hand turned me down
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
