My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
