If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
