He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
