I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize