god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize