Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize