this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
