I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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