i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
