I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
