just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
