Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize