I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
