Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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