last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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