Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
