i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
