Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
