it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
