I'm really into asian looking animals
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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