i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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