last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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