yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
