YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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