you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
