I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
