from now on my penis is your penis
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
