I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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