Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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