I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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